Consultants Say The U.S. Suicide Charge Is Skyrocketing With Each Passing Month That Folks Are Unable To See The Blue Man Group Reside

Over 580,000 Americans have died from COVID-19 during the pandemic. This is a terrible statistic, but unfortunately, according to experts, the extent of the devastation is far greater: A new public health study shows that the suicide rate in the US increases with every month that people cannot see the Blue Man Group Living is high.

Just awful. What a dark chapter in our nation’s history.

According to new research from the National Institute of Mental Health, Americans have been killing themselves more and more every month since the Blue Man Group stopped putting on shows because of the pandemic. With the public suddenly being robbed of their sole source of dumb, expressionless aliens drumming on PVC pipes and blasting the audience with toilet paper made from modified leaf blowers, the desperation has taken its toll – in April 2021 alone, over 4,000 suicides were reported in areas throughout the world Land where the Blue Man Group stopped performing, some places declare the lack of access to the Blue Men’s signature high-energy percussion comedy as an official state of emergency.

Middle-class Caucasians seem particularly to suffer from the lack of access to the Blue Man Group, as the concerts have long been a top cultural experience for suburban white families who often travel to big cities to catch the group’s funky but accessible rhythms and family-friendly rhythms to enjoy antics after long days of sightseeing and dining in the Hard Rock Cafes. In one particularly troubling case, a New Jersey white family of five committed suicide as part of the group by venting carbon monoxide from the exhaust of their Subaru Outback into their house while they were sitting on their living room couch and watching the Blue Man Group’s tiny desk concert saw on TV.

“Unfortunately, our country’s mental health system just isn’t ready for this sudden wave of millions of Americans struggling to get by in a world where they can’t see three bald, blue men splashing neon paint on stage in various amusing ways “Said NIMH researcher Emmitt White.” The Blue Man Group’s performances are not only fun, they also have a lot of heart, which leads to a truly unforgettable concert experience that some people simply cannot live without. The human brain is simple not wired to cope with this isolation from the drum and color based performance art. ”

White continued: While virtual concerts in the meantime might be a temporary fix until U.S. society can safely reopen, unfortunately they can see the laughter, joy, and wonder of seeing big-eyed blue eyes bang on an eardrum does not fully reflect person.

Heartbreaking. Let us pray that America will reach herd immunity soon because it is clear that people will not be able to cope with this Blue Man Group withdrawal for much longer.

With the pandemic approaching its end, it is difficult, but necessary, to ponder the far-reaching impact it has had on ourselves and our communities around us. It’s safe to say that once the pandemic subsides, people will no longer take the Blue Man Group for granted. But until then, please take care of yourself and others and remember that we are all in it together.

Comments are closed.