Donald Trump Retains By accident Shitting All Over The Flooring As a result of His Mar A Lago Rest room Is In A Completely different Place Than The White Home Rest room He’s Used To
Any major change in life always takes a bit of getting used to, and according to a new report, this seems especially the case when you come down from the most powerful man in the world: Sources say Donald Trump accidentally stays shit all over the floor because of his mar A Lago toilet is in a different location than the toilet in the White House that he is used to.
Sounds like old Donny is having a hard time adjusting to civilian life again!
Several sources close to the former president say that since leaving the White House, Trump has completely destroyed the carpets in Mar A Lago at least “six or seven times a day” as he struggles to adapt his sphincter memory to his new environment. Sources confirm that it is quite common today that the 74-year-old stands up abruptly, drops his pants and underwear to his ankles, and proclaims, “It’s time for me to get tan in my fabulous presidential bathroom,” at that point he will then stagger absent-mindedly 15 steps to the left – the exact distance between the Determined Desk and the toilet in the Oval Office – and empty a large amount of droppings on the carpet. Just like in the White House, he will then make no effort to flush.
“The smell hits you like a wall as soon as you step into Mar A Lago,” revealed a senior executive on condition of anonymity, adding that Trump’s infamous beef-focused diet while the housekeeping staff worked diligently to clean the carpets produces way too much poop on any given day for them to keep up. “If Jared or Ivanka are here they will gently redirect him to the right facilities, but no one else really has the balls to correct him. He just mumbles something like “This is my toilet” and empties his bowels exactly where he stands, and then brags to all the Mar A Lago members he’s allowed to use the same toilet as George Washington of France in the White House brought. ‘”
The source further revealed that Trump’s eldest sons, Donald Jr. and Eric, also began emptying their bowels on the Mar A Lago floor, apparently to prove their loyalty to their father. While an open bowel movement on the spot seems to be another example of Trump defying established norms, as he has done so many times during his presidency, sources insist that this behavior is not political and that he is “his new toilet.” really just doesn’t realize is in a different place than his old toilet. “And with a much lesser intelligence detail than in office, this carpet-shitting pattern can go on indefinitely, as Trump apparently needs a fleet of staff willing to offer assistance with finding the toilet.
To be fair, suddenly going from being the leader of the free world to being a citizen without executive power has to be quite an adjustment, and certainly other former presidents are grappling with this change in their own ways. So let’s give it the benefit of the doubt on this one. But we hope the ex-POTUS can literally get his shit together and figure out where his new toilet is before his carpet cleaning bills get out of hand.