The Jim Henson Firm Has Changed Miss Piggy With A Nonviolent Pig That Simply Needs To Suck Kermit Off

After more than 45 years of enthusiastic viewers worldwide, it seems like the curtains are closing on one of the most iconic characters in television history: The Jim Henson Company replaced Miss Piggy with a non-violent pig that Kermit just wants to suckle off.

Impressive. This really is the end of an era.

In a statement released today, the Jim Henson Company confirmed that Miss Piggy’s famously violent antics is no longer in line with the company’s evolving values, and that in the future she will be replaced in the Muppet Gang by a much more peaceful pig named Miss Barbara Avoid the constant fistfights that Miss Piggy brought to the table, but keep her trademark of pleasing Kermit the Frog.

“After much deliberation, we decided that it would be irresponsible to continue promoting a character like Miss Piggy who uses violence to solve problems. For this reason, we introduce Miss Barbara, a strong female pig character with an insatiable desire to suckle on Kermit forever, who does not quench her anger with punches and kicks, but instead productively channels her emotions through the act of fellatio, ”it says the Jim Henson Company statement. “Miss Barbara, like Miss Piggy, is obsessively drawn to Kermit because he is one of the few completely naked muppets and thus one of the most sexual by default – but unlike her predecessor, she never resorts to violent behavior and instead focuses on everything.” her energy to wrap her lips around Kermit’s penis. “

In conjunction with the announcement, the Jim Henson Company released a short teaser video giving fans a taste of the new character. In it we see Miss Barbara – proportioned similarly to Miss Piggy, but with bright red, pursed lips and a T-shirt that says “Hello, let’s suck each other” – in the backstage area of The Muppet Show and mumbled, “Where’s that weird boy I always suck on?” under her breath as she searched desperately for Kermit and stamped her hooves in anticipation.

At some point Miss Barbara Fozzie stops and asks: “Sorry, groundhog, do you know where my sex crush is? It’s green and has a small cone that tastes like seawater and cumin when you suck it. ”Fozzie then discreetly points to the wall, where we grin, embarrassed, trying not to be noticed, whereupon Miss Lady eagerly rushes towards him with big ones Eyes and guppy mouths screaming, “There you are! Let me take a look at your little prong! Come here and put World War II in my mouth! ”The trailer then cuts to a shot of Miss Barbara, happily tensing up with her face in Kermit’s lap, while Kermit yells and flaps her arms in wide arcs. As this happens, we see a dozen other muppets in the background watching, including a terrified Beaker who yells for not understanding what is happening and Rowlf, Gonzo marveling at the spirited way she “snores at his.” Cones “.

This is fantastic. We’re so excited that The Muppet Show is finally introducing a sexual pig character who proves that you don’t have to be violent to be entertaining.

Clearly, the message the Jim Henson Company is sending out with this new character is that beating people is wrong, but suckling animals is generally fine and we can no longer agree. And while it will be sad not to see Miss Piggy anymore, it will be great to have a new Muppet who is just as naughty and glamorous and cock-crazy as she is, but not constantly making karate attacks on her pals. It’s Miss Barbara’s time to shine!

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