Prepare to feel deeply disturbed because here is a story about one of the most profound things you will ever hear: This kid and his entire family love to drink V8.
Huh. Pretty crappy!
The news of this absolutely insane fixation first came up when classmates of fifth grader Peter Haines noticed that his packed lunches always contain a thermos jug filled to the brim with the vegetable juice drink V8. However, visits to the Haines household are not a unique characteristic of a child’s developing palate, but have made it clear that every single member of this otherwise normal-looking V8 family seems to enjoy drinking just as much as Peter would it be a regular drink like orange juice or soda. To be clear, their ordinary consumption of V8 is in no way coerced or stimulated by outside forces, and it only appears to be due to some bizarre perversion of mind that so thoroughly distorts their reality that V8 appears like an honest V8. God refreshing indulgence, even though it’s essentially watered down ketchup.
Of course, we can absolutely understand certain limited scenarios that could make a small glass V8 seem like a sensible choice, e.g. B. as an accompaniment to a grilled cheese sandwich when normal tomato soup is not available, but that is not the case here further; These lunatics get that stuff done morning, noon, and night. Mr. Haines doesn’t even ask before putting a glass of V8 in place before dinner, and the maniacs go so far as to keep the bottle on the table so everyone can fill up with another serving of V8 whenever they want occurs with alarming frequency.
It would be one thing if parents forced their children to drink just to get more servings of vegetables or whatever, but both Mr. and Mrs. Haines – full adults with the ability to drink anything from coffee to wine to towards anything The regular juices that are widely available in stores – willingly choose to consume V8 directly with them, and worse, the whole family does so with what can only be interpreted as real indulgence. Do you have a strange nostalgia for it? As if they used to live off the power grid and had a lot of V8 in stock because it is stable until opened? That wouldn’t explain why they’d pick V8 over something like apple or grape juice, however. Maybe it’s an odd fad they’re all getting into, but again, it seems unlikely that the kids their age would give a shit about this. Hell, maybe it all boils down to being freaks. That looks more and more like the only explanation that fits here.
Wild to think such people are walking among us out there!
“I went to Peter to watch The Boondock Saints A few weeks ago, and when his mother brought pizza to his room for us, she also gave us two large glasses of V8, and I didn’t know what it was and it smelled bad, but Peter really liked it, ”he told Connor DaSilva, a friend of Peter who witnessed the family’s crazy drink habit first hand. “I thought they might just be kidding me, but when I came back from the kitchen to get a glass of water, Peter had already finished his V8 and when he saw I had water he asked if he was too could have my V8. I felt uncomfortable. “
God this is really something Twilight zone-dude shit. Drinking V8 occasionally is disturbing and wrong, period. No one can reasonably argue otherwise. We hope that sooner than later Peter can develop a taste for more normal beverages as the middle and high school kids are definitely not going to be so forgiving of his V8 habit.