This Field Turtle Is Strutting His Stuff Throughout The Playground At .05 MPH And All The Youngsters Are Going Wild

They say the sexiest quality of all is confidence, and here’s a story to prove it is true no matter what type you are: that box turtle strutted across the playground at 0.05 mph and all children become wild.

Dayumm! If you have it, flaunt it – and this turtle has it!

Recently, a three-year-old North American box turtle was climbing over the wooden edge of a playground in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, and now he’s waddling sexy across the grass at an icy pace, causing excited kids all over the playground to swoon and scream. This magnetic and self-obsessed turtle makes the kids absolutely apeshit and triggers a happy squeak in every child within a 30 foot radius as they wag their tight turtle bottom like an ectothermic Mick Jagger. He’s slid a good ten feet across the play area for the past eight minutes, coolly flaunting the brown leather stains on his retractable neck while the kids around him scream and put small bits of trash in his path to see if he eats will she.

Yes! Go turtle! Go turtle!

The atmosphere in the playground right now is like a Beatles concert in the 60s: children go insane and scream “Turtle!” While pushing each other aside for a better view, and even their parents cell phone videos of the hot little one Pick up a piece of reptile ass hobbling past the giant plastic tic-tac-toe game. Even when the turtle was stuck for a moment, trying to traverse a small lump of dirt, with an older child picking him up and helping him over the obstacle, he maintained his effortless boast without panicking or hissing in fear or himself to empty, not even for a moment. This turtle is a star and nothing can stop it from shining.

Get it, little green buddy! You’re a fucking pimp and we can’t get enough of you!

You love to see a confident turtle who knows he’s sexy and isn’t afraid to show it off. He belongs on the runway! Keep doing your thing, turtle! We love you and hope that you never die.

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